How is it, after watching the ‘Lakeland Revival’ for a few hours each night over the past few days, I feel hung-over, confused and depressed? Each night I have slept fitfully and I am agitated. I am looking for God and trying to believe all the positive things I hear but the longer I watch the tighter the knot in my stomach becomes and the louder the scream forms deep within me.
I am reminded of those horrible feelings that came the morning after a night of over-indulgence; when the effects of the drugs and alcohol had worn off and I would be left in a haze of foggy confusion, riddled with guilt until I could find some ‘hair off the dog’ to make me feel better…… This is the downward spiral that leads to addiction, sickness and death.
Even although I have had times of personal breakthrough in the worship, I have decided not to go to Todd Bentley’s party any more. He reminds me too much of my past life and I don’t want to go there. Instead, I am going to spend some time with the word of God, listening to Jesus my teacher and soaking in a hot bath with the Holy Spirit.